Monday, March 8, 2010

10 Things Desperate People Should Do (Before the exam)

Note: I am not responsible for any injuries sustained. The conducts below are not advisable for children below three.




1. Chew your hair while staring at an incomprehensible equation.

2. Tell yourselves that it's okay to flunk Add Maths because it's astupid beautifully intricate subject.

3. Drink lots of caffeine to stay awake while trying to understand (unsuccessfully) Physics.

4. Eat lots of chocolate, get a temperature, skip the exam.

5. Bang your head on the wall (hard, preferably drawing blood) and pretend that you've gone retarded. Then miraculously recover after the exam.

6. Write love poems to the subjects you think you'll flunk.

7. Burst out in tears directly before the exam and start screaming like hell. Trust me, the teacher will insist that you don't take the paper.

8. Sleep on the reference book because according to the law of diffusion, particles will move from a region of higher concentration to a region of lower concentration. Therefore, knowledge will flow into your empty brain. (Genius, right?)

9. Eat lots and lots and lots of fish. Replace everything you normally eat with fish. Don't drink water, drink fish stock. Why? Because fish will make you smarter, duh!

10. Write a guide about what desperate people should do.

Fyi, I've done five.

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